I guess it feels we’re fading out, I can’t help the inevitable. I love you, if thats all i got to live with. I’ll stay quiet, do my thing. It alls happens for reasons, I’ll live with loving you even if it isn’t shipping smooth. I’m fine with that.
I’m fine, just fine. That’s enough for me.
I honestly love the beginning, what triggered all of this. You got me, by words & by actions. You loved me unconditionally, and that right there is one of the best feelings ever. You never neglected me, or challenged me in a threatening way. You knew how to communicate so civil, yet mad or happy w/ me - you always projected that gentleman aspect in yourself. You were everything I wasn’t looking for, but blessed to have. You gave me everything mentally, physically, financially, and more. It’s great that every night I went to sleep with my mind at ease.
As time gradually move forward, you tore down my walls. Little did we both know that there were remains my past that was still in me - despondent & infuriated. There’s nights where I just break down, and look back at what I did to you physically & most of all mentally. I know no one deserves that, especially you. I can’t take back anythings, what’s done is done. Karma came back to me. The attitude, the ego, the cheating. It all dominoed through me. The way you talked to me killed me. Honestly, never would I thought you’d direct me in that manner. Comfortability should never lead us to this state within anger. Little did I know that way nothing to compare. Why her? That wrecked me, mentally. The loyalty & trust demolished, the embarrassment within everyone. Mentally strong, yet drained.
Overall, whatever bullshit we go through I stayed and forever will stay loyal to you. Even argument after argument, bullshit after bullshit - you will never find a person who will ride for you the way I will. I promise you that. I know I have my personal issues I have, but it’s a process I’m slowly fixing. We lost a lot, learned, gained, etc. I don’t care how long we’ll be together, if it’s forever I still don’t care - if you’re not putting in the love, trust, loyalty in us .. there’s no point. Length, time means nothing to me.
I’ll put it out to you right now - I’m independent, hard-headed, stubborn, crazy, angry a lot of the times. Regardless, I’ll pull through for you. Straight out, no one will love you like that way I do. Everything I do for us, is because I honestly see a future in us. I’ll put everything on the line for you, but yet still keep that independency within myself. I know love can be blind, crazy, anything can happen. I’ve heard it all, but that’s the thing. I have that feeling where I know it’s you. When I see that smile when you’re around family, friends, or spontaneously - that smile gives me a glimpse of how crazy I am about you. You keep me sane, from my own self-sanity. Our year was rough, but to be honest I’m thankful. It showed me how good I had it, even through out the bullshit. I see nothing less of you, yet more. I don’t want to be those couples who are stuck in it because of comfortability, I thrive adventure, the fast lane, life of sin with you. Bonnie & Clyde til that casket drops, right? I put all on the line for you, call my insane, but I live one life, I’ll enjoy it the way I choose.
I’m not your ideal girl, I know. I’m not a Christian girl, my mouth is vulgar as it gets, my attitude is not always crystal - but my soul and intentions are so pure & soulful underneath all these layers of insecurity. I don’t care what anyone thinks or says - I put it all out for everything i believe in. I may not seem to be acceptable, I may not seem to be the first choice in your life because of all that - I just want you to know, wherever we end up in the future, I’ll always ride for you & respect you. I love you, more than anything. Sometimes it seems like I have to pull it out of you to show more compassion towards us now. The thoughts I conjour out aren’t always pleasant, but I pull through eventually. We’ve been together for only a year, I want us to be comfortable, but to an extent without losing the feels.I feel how I feel & I can’t help it.
I love you, forever & always. I’m happy most of the time, and to be honest that’s good enough for me. I’m in love with you, and when i’m with you I can’t help but feel all that. At the end of the night, you’re the person who I always think about. The sound of your voice, when people speak of your name - it just brings a smile to my face. I’m happy, and for that I will take it in.
I love you, goodnight darling.
See the thing is, I’m an emotional & very expressive person. I learned to realize that sometimes I shouldn’t vent or express my feelings - even if I’m happy or upset. It seems better to keep it to yourself, because that feeling makes you feel so good. I don’t need anyone to know, I used to tell him because I seeked for his longing too. I can’t always expect the same reaction.
I’ll keep it, & run away with it forever.
To be honest, I’d rather keep my guard up. Just because I have my self security - no one can hurt me & fuck me over, and if something comes about all I can blame is myself. Easy as said, when you’re happy & settled with someone, I find that so scary. I give you my trust & loyalty, and you could fuck me up anytime you want. When it comes to love & all that, I’m so sensitive, even if I don’t seem that way.
When I ride for you, oh baby I fucking ride for you.
I can honestly say I’m over it, but I ain’t going to lie - Everytime I look back at it, it hurts like a bitch.
I need to start loving myself more. Inside & out.
I keep messing the best things in my life up. I feel so broken, I just wish you were here holding me til everything is better.
When my speech teacher complimented me on my paper & writing skills. I really thought that part of me died out, since it’s been a cool minute for me to really let things flow out. Feels good when people can see that side of me, ya feels.
Kanye is everything!!!
I dig niggas, who can get naked for me - emotionally.
Strip down all that bullshit, work your way through me with your words and feeling because that shit is what makes my skin sensitive. The fact you can get down with me like that.
I’ll fuck with you any day, baby boy.